Two Capacities. Same Love.
For grandparents parenting grandchildren when ADHD, autism, and real-life chaos collide.
It to
ok me 52 years to realize I wasn't broken.
Growing up, I was the kid who got in trouble for not sitting still, for not listening, for being distracted by whatever was happening in the back of the room. Nobody had a word for it back then. You were just "disruptive."
Today I know it as ADHD, as well as bipolar and I freely talk about my beautifully haywired brain on every episode my podcast, #RandomDevoThoughts with Amber: Insights on the Jesus Heart from the ADHD Mind.
This is the brain that once washed my glasses in the washing machine for weeks. I bought a new pair on Friday and found the old ones on Sunday, soaking wet in the drum. That's my life. That's
my brain.
So, when I started supporting my friend Stacy Sanchez, the founder Parenting...Again?!!, something hit me hard. There are grandparents out there, people who already did their parenting years, now raising grandchildren whose brains work a lot like mine. And many of those grandparents grew up in the same "sit still and behave" world I did.
That's two generations trying to understand each other with very different wiring and very different fuel tanks.
Your capacity matters, too.
Grandparents, you didn't plan this chapter. Your body gets a vote now. Your energy isn't what it was at 30. And if you're running on empty, you can't pour calm into a child who is overwhelmed.
Before you react, check in with yourself:
•Am I overwhelmed right now, mentally or emotionally?
•Am I carrying stress that isn't actually about them?
•Am I being realistic about what I can handle today?
Needing a pause isn't failure. It's wisdom.
Their capacity is different, too
That grandchild melting down over socks with seams isn't being defiant. Their sensory, emotional, and mental load may be maxed out before breakfast. I raised three neurodivergent daughters, and I promise you, curiosity works better than criticism every single time.
Ask yourself:
•Have I adjusted my expectations for how they are wired?
•Am I giving them space and time in their own way?
•Am I celebrating their progress, no matter how small?
Short yellow pencils, all of us
In my book, #SisterhoodtheShortYellowPencils: mental health mayhem, one sticky note at a time, I write about those stubby little golf pencils I clung to during the lowest season of my life. They're the ones nobody picks first. Worn down. No eraser. Barely long enough to hold.
But they still write.
Grandparents raising grandkids, you might feel like a short yellow pencil right now. Used up. Ground down. Overlooked.
And the child in your care might feel that way too, trying to write their story with a brain the world keeps trying to "fix."
You don't have to be the same. You don't have to have the same capacity. You just have to keep showing up with the same love.
To use this as a printable drag this image to your desktop and print in Fit to Page mode in. Preview:
Amber Weigand-Buckley—a #shortyellowpencil girl living in a neurotypical world—is an Amazon #1 bestselling, award-winning author and founding editor of Leading Hearts magazine,
Her new book, #SisterhoodoftheShortYellowPencils: Mental Health Mayhem One Sticky Note at a Time, is ultimately a book about capacity—what happens when yours runs out faster than everyone else's, and why that was never something to be ashamed of. She hosts multiple podcasts including #RandomDevoThoughts and lives in Springfield, Missouri. Find out more at shortyellowpencilrx.com.
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